So, since I don’t think anyone actually reads this, I will write candidly. I have been dating my boyfriend for over eight years. We met when we were teenagers and started dating when I was 16. He’s amazing, brilliant, and hilarious. He’s also severely bipolar. Now that he is in his mid-twenties it is in full swing. It is so hard on him. He has been on on medication regime after another just to have each fail. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. Not knowing if you will ever be able to live a normal life. I do, however, know what it feels like for me. I am completely and totally exhausted. I want nothing more than to be able to help him live a healthy life where he can function at the level everyone knows he is capable of but I am so tired out I have little left to give. I have almost nothing left to give to myself. I struggle through my school semesters spending every second of my days thinking about ways that I can help him get better. Nothing works and I’m just too tired to continue trying. He needs an inpatient program that can actually help him focus on getting completely stable. He continues to do short stints in the hospital and then takes a bit of time off. Shortly after he decideds that he should enroll in classes again and that he will be able to do it this time. I want more for him. I want him to be better for more than a couple months at a time. The problem with that is that he doesn’t have health insurance. I have always thought that there were safety nets and programs available for people if they really needed them. There aren’t. We spent a week trying to get a doctor to refill his meds for him. His psychiatrist through the hospital said she couldn’t fit him in for an appointment for almost a month and would not refill them with out a meeting. The psychiatric hospital he was a patient at a month earlier also said they could not help and suggested we go to the emergency room. When we were at the emergency room they said they would only give him 5 days worth and told hm that they would not do it again. They told him they spoke to someone at the psychiatric hospital (yes the one we had just been to) and they said they would be able to help. A few days later, armed with the name of the woman who could help, we went back. Immediately when we got there we knew that once again we were going to have a problem. We were told that they would see what hey could do and if they could make an exception. As we waited we saw the psychiatrist that was his doctor the whole time he was inpatient walk in to the office and speak to the woman who was helping us. Despite the fact that she had his file because he was a patient at the hospital, she said no. Three hospital employees walked out in to the waiting area and said “I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do to help you.” WHAT?! He isn’t simply on antidepressants. He is on mood stabilizers, antipsychiotics, and a benzodiazapine. These are people who everyday tell their patients how important it is to take their medication everyday and yet they CAN’T help us??? They are fully aware of the potential repercussions and still want nothing to do with helping. I asked “ok, well if you can’t help us, what do we do?” This was said with no ill intent. I was asking a genuine question. He looked at me and said “We don’t have any suggestions for you, but if you figure it out, let us know”! I have never felt so helpless. I was just told by the last possible option that there was nothing they could do. This is part of the reason he can’t get better.
